No One Can Make You Feel Anything
By: Christine Hogan Mar 12, 2011 - 6:31:00 PM
No one can make you feel anything, without your permission. This is a simple enough statement, but what does it really mean?
It means that we do not want to give our power over to someone else. If we believe that others can make us feel anything, we are not recognizing our responsibility in that equation. The truth is that our feelings or emotions are not directly connected to extrinsic events. There is a thought in between these two entities. We think that thought. It is the thought that makes us feel an emotion, not the precipitating event.
So now we can think about how we can change those thoughts we generate after we experience events outside of ourselves. One way of altering the thought, is to decide to up level it from an emotional demand to a preference. For instance, if we demand that our spouse treats us with respect and love, and this does not happen, then, in turn, we will have feelings of anger, betrayal, resentment. It draws a line in the sand. One one side of the line is happiness and on the other side is unhappiness. There is no neutral territory. These feelings will make us unhappy and prevent us from feeling joy and peace. However, if we PREFER that our spouse treat us with love and respect and it doesn't happen, then it is not all that bad, and it doesn't make us miserable. After all, it was only a preference. If our preference gets satisfied, that good! But if it doesn't, that is okay too, because it was not all that important to us.
It will take self awareness and some practice to up level our emotion backed demands to preferences. In essence we will be taming our ego. As we work on examining our attachments to people and things, we can come to a place where we can co-exist peacefully with all humans on this planet. When we are not using up our emotional capital in trying to get these emotional demands met, we have much more psychic energy to experience real freedom and creativity.